Ryan, Biden, Bam

I’m better at debating than the most
Accomplished politician, or a host
Of daytime television, or the most
Accomplished law professor who can boast
Of arguing before the final court,
Provided all conditions here are met:
I’m not allowed to interrupt, or fret
That any petty insults aren’t tort,
Or smirk, or burst in laughing at a time
When I should be more serious, or frown,
Or let a terse discussion take me down,
And also, not be charged with any crime
If, after my opponent does the same,
I punch the bastard back to where he came.